Rufus · Shinra

Well, well, well... how should I put it?
There are two kind of people in this world: the ones who can multitask and the ones who cannot.

So, for example, if I ever, even remotely, thought that Reno was able to serve me as a secretary as well as a Turk, I would have used that knowledge to my advantage and asked him to bring me a coffee from time to time. Being perfectly conscious, though, that he's just unable to think of two things at the same time to save his life (sometimes I even think he has problems focusing on one), I still can't help to idly wonder:

WHY ME???!!

Dammit Reno, you're supposed to be an agent of Shinra! You know: fighting, spying, piloting helicopters, stealing, cheating... all of these things you know (and I know, otherwise I would have killed you with my bare hands long ago) are good at! So stop trying to please me bringing me blasted coffees I never even asked you for in the first place (and you end up pouring on my pants, anyway)  and start working seriously for once!!!

Fuck.

I can't afford to show my temper in a childish tantrum like this, but damned if I don't feel a bit better after letting out the steam, even privately...

Sometimes, I wonder if my Turks really ignore that I can read their LJs or if they are purposefully careless in their entries to lead me into thinking that they don’t know. Since it’s a game I would willingly play, I tend to get paranoid thinking that the rest of the World has an equally twisted mind. But no, this time, I believe they thought I wouldn’t know of their… slights, since Reno’s reflections have been quite disrespectful lately. Even though the idea of the 20 lashes sparks some good ideas…

     Anyway, they are doing their work, I receive the expected reports (all written by Rude, I’m sure) promptly and everything is going smoothly, so no need to chastise them for having thoughts of their own in their free time. Besides, my intention was to put some distance between us (mainly to be able to get things back to normal without them noticing an abrupt change with no apparent reason), so I’ve decided against disciplining them about a few words and some booze.

     I’m such a good Boss…

Things have been a little bit... tense, lately. I mean, at work (do I have a private life, anyway?). Just in case my Turks had gotten the wrong impression of me trying to befriend them by posting in their LJs and teasing them (more than usually, that is), I’ve been especially formal to them these few days. With Tseng, I never had a problem to begin with, he’s always so serious that I don’t think it possible for him to get more professional at work than he already is. Elena is too easy to scare off, the poor thing. Rude always tries his best and he’s the more responsive to my changes of mood, always adapting to them. Just like a faithful dog. It’s Reno who unnerves me. The more cold I show myself to him to put him in his place, the more flippant he gets. I just can’t figure him out. People who try to impress me pretending they’re smarter than they really are, I can understand. But Reno is the first and last man that I know of, who attempts to impress me pretending he’s dumber than he really is. For more that I try, I can’t get his anti-logic. And that pisses me off. If I glare at him, it’s not for him to beam at me and stuck two pencils up his nose while he crosses his eyes, IT’S FOR HIM TO SOBER UP, DAMMIT.

One day he’ll get upside down and start walking on his hands while yelling: “Look at me, Boss!” and that will be the day I’ll throw him off a window.

I think that, just in case, I’ll send him and Rude on a mission outside of Midgar. A bit of distance will give us time to cool down and, anyway, I need someone to gather information about the petroleum platforms that Barret is supposedly building in the Corel area. Now that Mako energy is no longer profitable, I’ve got to keep an eye on every other powersource…

 

Damn, I just can’t take the image of him cross-eyed and with pencils up his nose out of my mind.
 

Lately I've been playing a dangerous game with Reno. Well, that's an overstatement, it's been quite innocent, in fact, but it could lead to future unpleasantness. I shouldn't have given in to his playful nature and humoured him. My subordinates are not exactly to have fun with, at least not by interacting with them. I have nothing against being amused in general with their predicaments (even creating those predicaments myself to watch how they overcome them), but when the jokes stop being private, to be based on mutual teasing... I'm not a colleague, I'm his Boss and I don't want my authority on him to be mined for some misplaced sense of friendliness and trust that it's never been there to begin with.

On the other hand, teasing Reno is really fun. There are not many people on this planet who have no fear of speaking his mind in front of me and still keep their heads on their shoulders (half empty as they may be, at least in Reno's case). His playfulness is refreshing and although not surprising coming from him, completely unexpected from a subordinate of mine.

Hmm... it's not a feeling I'm used to, this doubting. Anyway, I don't think it's such a big deal. I'm completely capable of teasing Reno and still keep his respect for me intact. It's just that it will take me a little more effort than if I hadn't teased him in the first place. And I've never been one to spend more energy than strictly necessary. However, maybe this will be worth. We'll see.

By the way, he called me anal retentive bastard! The nerve...

Oh, heavens... Reno has discovered the existence of the "memes". I fear this will be the first of an unending row of egocentrical quizzes and silliness in general that will overflood my contacts page. Even so, the temptation to write back is so big... I would have preferred to keep it a secret for a little more time, the fact that I know of his LJ, but anyway, he's not stupid, he probably has deduced it by now. We'll see, I haven't decided yet if I should post or not.
      *sigh*
      The bad thing about not having faith in any God, it's that when Reno messes up, you don't have whom to offer your prayers to, in exchange for a painless solution...

Last night I received a phone call from Reno. At 2:08 am, exactly. I, of course, picked up the phone; being who I am I just cannot ignore this kind of things even if they happen in the wee hours of the night, it could have been important. With emphasis in the “could”. Because, after waking up and establishing communication, I discovered I had been disturbed in the middle of my sleep to hear some unintelligible blabbering that sounded more or less like this:

“Dsnmkeono nsnjkkj jniuwheioun nsno…. Sjkonf preeeeeeeetty hsduhfiopuh…. Jninjpaih… starrrrrry night……… joisjsdjkn…. *giggle*…..dlkjhiuipfe…. bosssss….sdnhfhuh ndinfo nsdui…. *whine* ….jsdpfoiopd Elanna dnuiofhpi…..kinñfsonfndo…fjnd…heeeels… hsidohpih..sdjhfpi… Rude…..njiosapfionn nionfpin…’s soo cruuuuuel...hjnasohfihu… *sob*….mfoljpoi….luvmeeeeee… nfiodnpfouih nfuini...*sob*…fhoihs… rod… jsdnfinuihisdnid nnfusd jwiryy *giggles* nsjindf…jasoh nfiohoif….”

Then he hung up before one could say WTF.

Damned be the time I thought giving that street punk a mobile was a good idea...

To be totally honest, I'm more amused that annoyed about Reno's last antic. I think that is the reason why I don't finally get him fired, he makes life interesting. Not only mine, (he's both delightfully entertaining and a big pain in my ass), but his colleagues', too. Having some amount of fun at work increases productivity, there are serious studies about it, so I put up with Reno's foolishness because I honestly think his presence is positive for the company.

      That and because he has a really nice ass.

      Well, time to discipline that redhaired punk. Even if I find hilarious that a ceiling-lodged pencil falls on the head of my most formal, most professional and most mysterious turk, I can't have them thinking I, indeed, have a sense of humour, can I?

Apparently. someone has decided that it would be a good idea to turn Tseng's workplace in a recreation of a karstic cave, by lodging a certain amount of pencils in the ceiling above his desk.

 I wonder who that someone might be...

I've just read in a magazine that I'm known to wear white to look bigger than I really am. If I didn't think that it's not worth the effort, I'd have that stupid journalist cleaning toilets until the end of time.

      As my father once told me, there's a reason for everything. He also taught me that details are important. Not that he was worried about my education and spent time with his son, trying to ingrain in my brain a piece of his wisdom. He had none. He just liked the sound of his own voice. But I learned, anyway.

      I wear white because I can. So, I will. My turks must wear a dark uniform, formal suits with carefully thought lines, simple but elegant and always pristine, since they represent Shin·Ra, and Shin·Ra is nothing short of perfect. Reno is the damned exception to the rule. But that's another story... I could write a book with reasons to kill that wild child and another one with reasons to keep him in payroll. So for now, I'll leave the theme alone.

      I wear white because I'm the leader of Shin·Ra (and thus, Midgard is mine), because, although I stand out no matter what I choose to put on, I'm not one to mingle with the rest of the people, I wear white because it fucking suits me and because I like the damned color. I don't need to be bulky to be powerful and I don't need a damned color to make me cooler than I already am. So Miss Journalist, think twice before writing nonsenses again, or you'll find yourself scrubbing not-so-white-anymore porcelaine for a living.